I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
