I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
