my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize