she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
