My first STD was from a foam party
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
