I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
