is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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