Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
