It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
