absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize