Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
