a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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