I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
