I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
