I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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