my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
