Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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