I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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