you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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