dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
