make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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