do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
