gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
