Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i dont even know how to be here
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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