he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
