She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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