Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
