i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
