I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
