My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have demons in me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
