Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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