Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
