FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Boobs speak an international language.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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