Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize