we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
