So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
