Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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