he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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