Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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