I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
