i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
