kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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