Someone shit on the floor
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
