I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
