You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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