I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
