Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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