So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
