i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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