really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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