i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
