Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
