I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
