Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
