My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
