I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
