Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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