I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
