Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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