my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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