Why are handjobs necessary in class?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
