Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
