Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
