Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
