I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
