I heard we made out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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