a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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