he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
