I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
