I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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