yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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