so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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