she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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